Something No Athlete Ever Wants to Feel (How it Happened)

I got the ball on the wing, faked right, exploded left.  It was game number four of 2-on-2 this past Sunday.   As I planted my right foot and pushed off trying to drive past my defender, I felt a pop in between my right calf muscle.  I couldn’t tell you what happened to the basketball.  All I know is I felt something no athlete ever wants to feel and my feet grew roots.  I couldn’t move.

After a few minutes, I hobbled over to the side of the court and sat down on the first row of the bleachers.  I leaned over, with sweat dripping off my face, held my leg with both hands, closed my eyes and prayed.   I know the guys were talking to me, but I couldn’t tell you what they were saying.

I think my brother and I were born with a pretty high tolerance for pain.   My brother once broke his big toe playing around at the house and then went and did a 2 hour basketball practice as a kid.  He knew it hurt, but didn’t know it was broken until he got home and took off his shoe to find a black and blue toe.   With that tolerance and the fact that I don’t like people to worry about me, I did my best to mask what I was feeling and encouraged the guys I was playing with to go have a 3-point contest.

I sat there, almost motionless as they shot, trying to stay upbeat and positive.  Deep down I feared the worst.   Is this how my journey to to play Michael Jordan would end?   How badly was I hurt?   If I’m hurt badly, which I have never been before in my life, could I deal with the rehab involved?  Was this my nightmare coming true?

As I watched them shoot ball after ball, I wished I could be out there.   Through my frustration, I did small self checks by moving my ankle and my knee.  No pain.  Just a sharp pain all around my muscle area.  I breathed a sigh of relief.   The positive side of me, the believer in me, prayed I would be healed.  I couldn’t go out like this.  I would never give up.   This couldn’t be how the story ends.

After watching the shooting contest, I made my way to my car, by taking a step with my good leg and then slowly moving my bad leg.   The guys offered to help, but I didn’t want to be helped.  I said my goodbyes and drove slowly to the closest pharmacy to get some pain medication.   By the time I got there, it was even worse.  My range of motion seemed to be going.   I hobbled through the store and to the cash register only to hear a worker make a poor joke about my injury.   I didn’t turn around, even though I wanted to beat him like a pinata.  I was angry.  Angry that this happened to me.   I knew he didn’t know my situation though, so I did my best to stay calm, thanked the lady who was helping me and slowly made my way to the car.

Scared

I got home and family and friends were calling to check on me.   Everyone feared the worst and while I appreciated their concern, hearing terms that rang up 6-12 month rehab sessions scared my soul.   I thought of NBA players over the years with injuries.  Fear wrapped me up.

A buddy of mine asked me how I was doing through twitter and I sent him a direct message back.  I was scared.   We conversed back and forth.  I told him everyone is talking major ligament/tendon damage and it’s freaking me out.   His response of, “probably best not to listen to anybody until you get it checked out,” eased my worry.

Still I made a call to a local emergency clinic, but they were unable to do any kind of test that would show damage other than a broken bone.

I sent a text to a friend I knew who was around the game at the highest level and would probably know better than anyone what I should do.  He asked me some questions, then walked me through the steps I should take and gave me advice on when I should go to the doctor.  He basically said it could be bad, but said to just to give it some time and take proper recovery action immediately.  I thanked him and felt somewhat better.

My wife, who had been out with some friends, got home shortly thereafter.   As she walked in the door and towards me, my eyes welled up with tears and I began to cry.  I was overwhelmed.

My Passion

If you’ve been following my journey, you understand how passionate I am about what I’m doing.   This isn’t a joke or ploy to become famous or make money.  This is my PASSION!   I felt I was making so much progress lately and now with the new gym, the sky was the limit.

I had a 1-on-1 match-up scheduled for this coming Saturday and was working on finalizing a 1-on-1 match-up with a very cool opponent that might surprise you.

I was at the rec center I just joined anytime I had time, so much so that one of the girls working there said this past week, “So you’re pretty passionate about basketball, huh.”  I guess that’s what happens when you stay longer than anyone else, until the gym is empty, just working on the game.  I honestly only leave the gym because I get so hungry that I can’t stand it or because I have to work or some other responsibility comes up.  I love every single part of it.

Dealing with Another Setback

After sitting in the same position on the couch, legged kicked up and iced on and off for eight hours, I took some more pain medication and made my way to bed with a pair of crutches my brother dropped off for me.   Before I did my best to fall asleep, I laid in bed and prayed that I would be healed.   I told God I would work even harder at my journey if he would only allow me to work.

I drifted off and only woke up a few times Sunday night.   Every now and then I would move the wrong way and feel a sharp pain, otherwise it was a good night’s rest.

I woke up Monday morning, not healed, but no worse.  With a heavy heart, so thankful, I smiled.

So I’m still on crutches.  I’m still icing it.   Still unable to walk or even put any pressure on it, but extremely optimistic that it isn’t major damage, but only a temporary setback.  If I don’t see anymore progress by tomorrow, I’ll be making my way to the doctor.

No matter the outcome, I WILL NOT QUIT!

I want to thank everyone who has reached out to wish me well or pray for me.  It means a lot!   This won’t be the end of my journey, I promise you that!  If I have to, I will hop on one leg and play Jordan.

Until I can move again, I plan on working on my ball handling while sitting in a chair.   I may even try to make it to the rec center later this week, just to sit on the court and be around the game.   I’ll do some updates through twitter (@KennyEller) to let ya know my progress.

As always, thanks for the support and for following along.

2010 began like most years for me.  Dick Clark did the countdown, the ball dropped, fireworks went off, and the calendar changed.  Truthfully, I’ve never been much into new year’s resolutions because they don’t typically work.  The commercialism of this “change your life” day is rather sad to me, but at the same time, at least it gives people one day a year where they actually think about making some sort of change for the better.

I realized more than ever in 2010 that change has to do with passion, not merely the want to change.  If you are to lose weight, run your first race, play Michael Jordan, start a blog, write a book, etc., there has to be more fueling your fire than just “I want to do this.”  The reason is, most things that are worth having don’t come easy.  When times get tough, more often than not we revert to what is comfortable…unless passion is part of the equation.

Here is a look back on some of the things I’m proud that I accomplished in 2010

• Ran my first half marathon.
• Ran my second half marathon.
• Started mevsMJ.com.
• Went to Impact Basketball Training.
• Played against 7’3″ Akeme Smart.
• Played against Virginia Tech signee Robert Brown (Ranked #84 in USA by ESPN).
• Ran over 530 miles (over 73,000 calories burned).

Why I’m proud of those accomplishments

Prior to January 18th of 2010, I didn’t exercise or play basketball anymore.  I was alive, but I wasn’t doing much living.

I Feel Alive Right Now!

My brother did a rap called, Alive, back in July.  It has become my anthem.

Everything I have DONE this year has made me FEEL SO ALIVE.  I’ve been saying this more and more, but life really is amazing if you allow it to be.

Alive (by Bob Eller) [Audio and Lyrics]

[If you are reading this via email or the RSS feed, click here to go to the full post and listen]

I feel alive right now
I feel alive right now
I feel alive right now
I feel alive right now

Verse 1
Life is so fantastic, I can’t even mask it
Feel like MJ, in 98’, the final basket
Yeah I push a little, but I’m pullin’ off some magic
Tricks up my sleeve, call me Inspector Gadget
Ever since my DOB, until the casket
I will cherish each breath like I battle asthma
I wrote the manual, now it’s automatic
Flat linin’ beats like a musical assassin
That means I’m killin‘ it, but you knew that
I keep it hoppin’ like the kangaroo on my hat
I tell you how it is, so you don’t have to ask
That black card says, “Get over here and kiss my ass!”
Future so bright there’s no need for a flash
So take a picture if you want to keep it for your past
Otherwise, let the red carpet show my path
Big 1040, the IRS makes me show my math
Itemize these lines, claim the fame, and deduct lies
Add the drive to be the best, subtract the lack of time
I shine brighter than the rest, haven’t hit my prime
This world is mine until I close my eyes

Chorus
I feel alive right now
I feel alive right now
I feel alive right now
I feel alive right now
I, I, I feel alive right now
You can pretend, but it ain’t real
I stand on top, my spot still
I feel alive right now

Verse 2
I am everything possible, don’t you ever doubt me
Put a C before RAP if it is without me
I’m the biggest fish in Lake County
Spittin’ out hooks, eatin’ everything around me
Whether a Corolla or a drop top Audi
Girls holla hola, namaste, chao, and howdy
Chillin’ on South Beach, tan like a Saudi
I control the game with one hand like Atari
Bet you wanna trade places like we’re playin’ Sorry
Cause I’m always on Target like Isaac Mizhari
Welcome to the soiree, this is my story
Dyin for title and livin for the glory

Chorus
I feel alive right now
I feel alive right now
I feel alive right now
I feel alive right now
I, I, I feel alive right now
You can pretend, but it ain’t real
I stand on top, my spot still

That 3 minutes and 17 seconds of music says it all.  I Feel Alive Right Now!

If you haven’t found something to make you feel alive, I pray that you do soon.  If it’s 2011 that catapults you in the direction of that, all the best to ya.

Looking Forward

The calendar won’t really change much in my approach.  Looking forward, I plan on continuing to work hard, get in even better basketball shape, play the best, train with the best, do some amazing things and ultimately play Michael Jordan 1-on-1.

As a client of mine told me last week, nothing is impossible.  Impossible just takes a bit longer.

Thanks for all of the support thus far!  I truly cherish each and every comment, tweet, and email I receive.

I hope you have a safe and happy New Year!  Here’s to 2011 being one of the best ever!

Music Credit: The music used in my brother’s rap, Alive, is the instrumental of Lil Wayne’s 3 Peat.

In part one of Secret to Success, I discussed How SCOPE Can Change Your Life.

Hopefully at this point you have expanded or begun to expand your scope, and know what it will take to be successful in your given journey. You’re full of productive energy and now you’re ready to get down on one knee and propose a lifelong commitment to Success.

WARNING!!!

It should be noted, that there will come a point in anything you choose to do, where it will go from being fun to work.

There is the one caveat to that statement, which I will mention in just a bit.

From Fun to Work

From fun to work can happen when you go from just showing up to play basketball in the evenings, to hoisting 3,000 jump shots a week, in addition to playing.

It can happen when you go from running around the block to training for a race.

Fun can turn to a crusty, hear yourself pouting “I don’t wanna do this anymore,” job in just about anything you choose to do when the decision is made to attempt to be successful.

The caveat to this…PASSION!

20 Years of Hoops = A Whole Lotta Passion

I have put more hours into basketball, a lot of them unguided unfortunately, than anything else in my life.

I’ve taught myself to shoot (better than most). To dribble.

I’ve learned how to play defense. To pass.

I’ve learned the rules and dimensions of the sport created by Dr. James Naismith.

I started with no concept of the game and became a better than average player.

I’ve done all of this and it’s never felt like work one day of my life.

The reason is Passion.

Passion Doesn’t Matter?

There will be those that will whisper or even SCREAM in your ear, if you allow them, telling you that passion doesn’t matter.  That it’s more about the structure and the process and that if you implement the structure and do the work, you will be successful.

Guess what, they are right…and wrong.

If a well known bread company sent me the recipe for their bread.  If they detailed the process down to the best climate, water, ingredients, oven, pans, slicers and packaging, then I could produce their exact product.

I would probably do so for myself and even my family and close friends, for awhile.

For awhile, I would most likely package it up, hand deliver it and see smiles sprint across the faces of the recipients of my little bread gift.

Then I would stop.

Why Passion DOES matter!

I would stop making the bread because I’m not passionate about it.  I don’t wake up in the mornings thinking about bread or dream at night about meeting the Pillsbury dough boy.  Bread is great, but TO ME it’s just bread.

Passion matters because at the point where every other thing turns to struggle, when every other thing slows your trek forward and the shawl of doubt chills your fire, PASSION will burn through.

If you begin a journey that is filled with positive passion, that “fun to work” day will never come.

Passion Won’t Make It Easy

Just because you are passionate about something doesn’t mean your journey will now have an easy button.

It doesn’t mean success will introduce itself any quicker.

You still need the structure.  You still need to do the process.

Passion will keep it FUN.

Find the Passion and Let it Burn!

I began me vs. MJ: My Journey to Jordan Camp, because I am passionate about hoops and Michael Jordan.

Something so amazing is happening during this journey, that I never really expected.  It’s having positive results in other parts of my life.

That passion for hoops and MJ has fueled me to become in the best shape of my life.  It has given me energy, clarity, and greater knowledge as I continue to learn daily about myself.  It has gotten me writing again for this blog and connected me with some really cool people I never would I have met otherwise.

By not only identifying the passion, but letting it burn…by using it, I am changing the course of my life.

Have the Baby!

I’ve been told over and over and over again that there is never a perfect time to have a baby, but that a child will change my life for the better.

That’s the kind of conversations a 33 year old guy finds himself in when he’s been married for two and a half years, with no kids:-)

While the reasoning behind why that conversation usually comes up (people don’t know what else to talk about) is less than stellar, the message behind it is transparently clear.

The perfect time doesn’t exist.

The same can be said when it comes to making a move on something you’re passionate about. The perfect time to do so will never knock on your door, grab your hand and lead you away.

At the end of the day…JUST HAVE THE BABY!!

Expand your SCOPE in something that you are PASSIONATE about and JUST HAVE THE BABY!

You’ll be glad you did.

PS:  No Mom, I’m not having a child anytime soon