They say it will never happen.

They shake their heads and quietly chuckle.

They try to introduce doubt.

They pour their pessimism all over me and expect me to wilt.

They question my motives.

They call themselves my friends.

But…

They don’t know how badly I want this.

They didn’t see the tears or hear me as I cried alone in my car 16 months ago, because I didn’t want to leave.

They didn’t feel the pain or the push as I went through rebuilding my leg.

They haven’t seen the countless emails and tweets I’ve written or the calls I’ve made.

They haven’t boarded the planes or driven the hours in an effort to make it all happen.

They didn’t see my head droop after the worst beating of my life and they don’t know that it inspired me to work harder.

They haven’t seen the thousands of makes, when I’m alone in the gym.

They don’t know what it’s like to feel the pain of a “no” from those that have the ability to help…or what it’s like to keep pressing forward.

They don’t know what it’s like to come face to face with Michael Jordan…twice!

**

They are powerless against my journey and yours.

***

Maybe these words are for you.

Perhaps you want to be the best player on your team and currently you’re not even close.

Maybe you just want to be happy.

They have controlled you, your entire life, and you’ve let them.

It’s time to stop listening to them.

It’s time to listen to yourself.

Only you know how badly you want it.

Now show the rest of the World.

If you work hard enough, one day THEY will tell you that they always knew you could do it.

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Connect:  Twitter (@KennyEller) and mevsMJ.com Facebook Fan Page.

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If you’re new to the site, I set out in August 2010 to get a game of 1-on-1 vs. my childhood hero Michael Jordan.  This site is about that journey…through every valley, to every mountain top of triumph!

Something No Athlete Ever Wants to Feel (How it Happened)

I got the ball on the wing, faked right, exploded left.  It was game number four of 2-on-2 this past Sunday.   As I planted my right foot and pushed off trying to drive past my defender, I felt a pop in between my right calf muscle.  I couldn’t tell you what happened to the basketball.  All I know is I felt something no athlete ever wants to feel and my feet grew roots.  I couldn’t move.

After a few minutes, I hobbled over to the side of the court and sat down on the first row of the bleachers.  I leaned over, with sweat dripping off my face, held my leg with both hands, closed my eyes and prayed.   I know the guys were talking to me, but I couldn’t tell you what they were saying.

I think my brother and I were born with a pretty high tolerance for pain.   My brother once broke his big toe playing around at the house and then went and did a 2 hour basketball practice as a kid.  He knew it hurt, but didn’t know it was broken until he got home and took off his shoe to find a black and blue toe.   With that tolerance and the fact that I don’t like people to worry about me, I did my best to mask what I was feeling and encouraged the guys I was playing with to go have a 3-point contest.

I sat there, almost motionless as they shot, trying to stay upbeat and positive.  Deep down I feared the worst.   Is this how my journey to to play Michael Jordan would end?   How badly was I hurt?   If I’m hurt badly, which I have never been before in my life, could I deal with the rehab involved?  Was this my nightmare coming true?

As I watched them shoot ball after ball, I wished I could be out there.   Through my frustration, I did small self checks by moving my ankle and my knee.  No pain.  Just a sharp pain all around my muscle area.  I breathed a sigh of relief.   The positive side of me, the believer in me, prayed I would be healed.  I couldn’t go out like this.  I would never give up.   This couldn’t be how the story ends.

After watching the shooting contest, I made my way to my car, by taking a step with my good leg and then slowly moving my bad leg.   The guys offered to help, but I didn’t want to be helped.  I said my goodbyes and drove slowly to the closest pharmacy to get some pain medication.   By the time I got there, it was even worse.  My range of motion seemed to be going.   I hobbled through the store and to the cash register only to hear a worker make a poor joke about my injury.   I didn’t turn around, even though I wanted to beat him like a pinata.  I was angry.  Angry that this happened to me.   I knew he didn’t know my situation though, so I did my best to stay calm, thanked the lady who was helping me and slowly made my way to the car.

Scared

I got home and family and friends were calling to check on me.   Everyone feared the worst and while I appreciated their concern, hearing terms that rang up 6-12 month rehab sessions scared my soul.   I thought of NBA players over the years with injuries.  Fear wrapped me up.

A buddy of mine asked me how I was doing through twitter and I sent him a direct message back.  I was scared.   We conversed back and forth.  I told him everyone is talking major ligament/tendon damage and it’s freaking me out.   His response of, “probably best not to listen to anybody until you get it checked out,” eased my worry.

Still I made a call to a local emergency clinic, but they were unable to do any kind of test that would show damage other than a broken bone.

I sent a text to a friend I knew who was around the game at the highest level and would probably know better than anyone what I should do.  He asked me some questions, then walked me through the steps I should take and gave me advice on when I should go to the doctor.  He basically said it could be bad, but said to just to give it some time and take proper recovery action immediately.  I thanked him and felt somewhat better.

My wife, who had been out with some friends, got home shortly thereafter.   As she walked in the door and towards me, my eyes welled up with tears and I began to cry.  I was overwhelmed.

My Passion

If you’ve been following my journey, you understand how passionate I am about what I’m doing.   This isn’t a joke or ploy to become famous or make money.  This is my PASSION!   I felt I was making so much progress lately and now with the new gym, the sky was the limit.

I had a 1-on-1 match-up scheduled for this coming Saturday and was working on finalizing a 1-on-1 match-up with a very cool opponent that might surprise you.

I was at the rec center I just joined anytime I had time, so much so that one of the girls working there said this past week, “So you’re pretty passionate about basketball, huh.”  I guess that’s what happens when you stay longer than anyone else, until the gym is empty, just working on the game.  I honestly only leave the gym because I get so hungry that I can’t stand it or because I have to work or some other responsibility comes up.  I love every single part of it.

Dealing with Another Setback

After sitting in the same position on the couch, legged kicked up and iced on and off for eight hours, I took some more pain medication and made my way to bed with a pair of crutches my brother dropped off for me.   Before I did my best to fall asleep, I laid in bed and prayed that I would be healed.   I told God I would work even harder at my journey if he would only allow me to work.

I drifted off and only woke up a few times Sunday night.   Every now and then I would move the wrong way and feel a sharp pain, otherwise it was a good night’s rest.

I woke up Monday morning, not healed, but no worse.  With a heavy heart, so thankful, I smiled.

So I’m still on crutches.  I’m still icing it.   Still unable to walk or even put any pressure on it, but extremely optimistic that it isn’t major damage, but only a temporary setback.  If I don’t see anymore progress by tomorrow, I’ll be making my way to the doctor.

No matter the outcome, I WILL NOT QUIT!

I want to thank everyone who has reached out to wish me well or pray for me.  It means a lot!   This won’t be the end of my journey, I promise you that!  If I have to, I will hop on one leg and play Jordan.

Until I can move again, I plan on working on my ball handling while sitting in a chair.   I may even try to make it to the rec center later this week, just to sit on the court and be around the game.   I’ll do some updates through twitter (@KennyEller) to let ya know my progress.

As always, thanks for the support and for following along.

I woke up early yesterday morning, with a goal of figuring out how to drive more traffic to this site.   I began by reading a post on Corbett Barr’s ever popular ThinkTraffic.net, which only reaffirmed what I had been told and shown before.  I then proceeded to look for other websites in my niche of basketball and Michael Jordan, with the hopes of fostering relationships and helping to grow mevsMJ.com.

What I found next made me feel like Manny Pacquiao walked up to me and punched me in the gut.

A Group of Keywords with a very sad result

Definition of a Keyword:  A word used as a reference point for finding other words or information.

The first keyword search I did was:  Michael Jordan Senior Flight School.

This wasn’t a new group of keywords for me, as I had checked it just a couple of weeks ago to see if my ranking had improved.   Simply put, I wanted to see if any mevsMJ.com post showed up on the first couple of pages of Google’s search results.

Monday’s search results, while a lot the same, were sadly very different.

MJ Flight School (www.mjseniorflightschool.com) is the first site listed in the results when you enter the aforementioned set of words in Google’s search engine.   Makes sense, as this is the Jordan Camp home page and has been the site I have checked for years on information about the camp.

Just below the heading I read something that didn’t make sense.

I read these six dreaded words:  This domain name expired on 11/24/2010.

Stunned but still hopeful, I continued to search until I found a site that said that Michael Jordan Senior Flight School, the same camp I had planned on attending in August WAS NOT PLANNED for 2011.

My heart sunk.

One Hell of a RoadBLOCK

Definition of a Roadblock:  Something that blocks progress or prevents accomplishment of an objective.

I quickly began firing off emails to any and everyone I knew that could possibly help confirm or deny this attempted assassination of my dream.   Since beginning this site, I have sent numerous emails to people affiliated with MJ and have never received a response.

Until yesterday.

Less than 10 minutes after I sent the email, I got a response from someone associated with Jordan and his camp.

He said that it was his understanding at this time, that there would not be the same type of camp this year.   He went on to say that Michael had said this past summer that he planned on putting more energy into his Charity Golf Tournament.

What Jordan Camp Meant to Me

Years before I came up with the idea to get a game of 1-on-1 against Michael Jordan, I would read every article and watch every video I could find on the camp, patiently waiting for my opportunity.  Going to the camp was something I had dreamed about doing for years, only held back by my then youthful age.

For this site, going to Jordan Camp was at the end of the day, the dream back-up plan.  In the event that I wasn’t able to get a game of 1-on-1 versus Michael through my efforts here on mevsMJ.com before August of 2011, I would fly to Las Vegas and attend Michael Jordan Flight School.

The camp gave me something to lean on and a feeling of certainty that playing Jordan would happen.

At this time, while nothing is set in stone just yet, it doesn’t appear that Jordan Camp will be happening in 2011…if ever again.

Only Two Options Going Forward

As with all things in life, there are only really two options going forward.

The first option:  Quit.  Pull the plug on mevsMJ.com and let the dream remain just that…a dream.  Some say, that some things are better left that way.

*The second option and my choice:  Push Forward!

As J. Cole’s “Farewell” rap describes on his latest mixtape release Friday Night Lights,

“When my story’s told, how will they tell it?

Will they say I was a giver, or remember I was selfish?

Will they say I was sinner, or pretend I was a saint?

Will I go down as a winner, what’s the picture they gon paint?

Wouldn’t say that I’m a Quitter, that’s ONE THING I KNOW I AIN’T!”

I DON’T QUIT!

I can’t!

Harder…NOT Impossible

My Journey to play Michael Jordan 1-on-1 just got a whole lot harder.

Harder…not Impossible.

More difficult, more work, no sense of anything close to certainty…but not Impossible.

I wrote a post not too long ago about how, It’s Not Going To Be Easy, Nor Should It Be, and oh my, does that ever ring louder than right now?

While my natural feeling may be to hang my head, put my hands over my face and sulk, my FAITH tells me that there is a plan for my life.   A plan that includes this journey.

There have been times in my life where I’ve been knocked to my knees left searching for answers to situations that I didn’t understand.   Years later only to look back smiling and so utterly thankful for the pain.

While it may seem foolish to some, having my dream, something I’ve been anticipating for such a long time, potentially swiped away just days before it is a reality, is extremely painful to me.

I’m passionate about what I’m doing here.  I wake up daily, motivated for this journey.  I suppose pain is the result anytime something you are passionate about is threatened.

Why I Will Crush This Roadblock

I will CRUSH this roadblock because I have no other choice.

The Jordan Camp crutch has been ripped from beneath my arms and I am now left fueled by and standing with passion alone.   I’ve got a whole lotta passion though.

So I will continue to work hard!

Continue to to play the best!

Continue to prepare myself for my 1-on-1 match-up with Michael Jordan!  I still believe that I will play MJ.  Maybe not in August…maybe before!

I leave you today with two quotes by the man himself, Michael Jordan.  Two quotes that I couldn’t agree with more.  Two quotes that reach down and grab me, almost pulling me forward themselves.

“Obstacles don’t have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don’t turn around and give up.  Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.”-Michael Jordan

“Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen.”-Michael Jordan

Thank you Michael Jordan!  I hope that someday soon you see this writer’s words and feel his passion.  I pray that you remember how you felt when you said the words above.

Until then Mr. Jordan, I’m going to keep preparing…you just let me know when you’re ready!

me vs. MJ…the journey continues.